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I am in fact, still alive, in every sense of the word. I'm in Texas, and so much has happened since my last posting, that I really don't know where to begin.

The family in SC is doing well. Dad remarried, bringing home his housekeeper's daughter (a tender 33 to his 59) from Russia, and he now lives in Washington state. My sister is as normal as ever. I stayed in Arkansas briefly, only to discover that it wasn't the life I wanted. I learned how hard it is to look someone in the eye, someone that is head over heels in love with you, and tell them that you aren't happy and that it's time for you to move on. I didn't enjoy it.

I have a new boyfriend who is remarkably my clone, except he does not have boobies. It's pretty awesome-sauce. I'm still on WoW, although my main character is on Silvermoon now. I am officially an ICC raider, huzzah!

So yes. Hello, world. I am still alive!


Hello world.

You know those days where you feel like the world's kinda go on and left you behind? Yeah, great, aren't they? I hate feeling sorry for myself. I think it's mostly from taking cough syrup.

I moved to this apartment back beginning of November. Before I moved in, they redid the plumbing in all the buildings. Apparently they fucked up mine something fierce because my master bathroom leaks into the bedroom. I was waiting outside with Tom (another story in itself), and the maintainance guy came outside yelling at me about how my apartment is flooded.

Oh, shit.

My master bedroom is mostly flooded with 2 inches of standing water. My bathroom has that if not more standing water, and it's leaking into the apartment behind me -- which happens to be the Property Manager of the complex? Yeah, it's her place.

Oh, shit.

So I end up with three massive fans that sound like jet engines in my apartment, soggy bedroom carpet (thank gawd I moved my bed into the other bedroom in anticipation of this event), and bitching from the maintainance guy. Just bloody wonderful.

So anyway, there was mold growing under my carpet of the black variety, and now I'm sicker than shit, so go fucking figure. I've been sick for two weeks, and Mom wants to see if I can shake it off. How much ya wanna bet it's from the mold and dampness? :D

Tom. Sigh.

He'd been driving on a suspended license since August, and it finally caught up to him last week. He ended up with $997 worth of tickets, so he moved in with his mom. His mom continues to trash talk me, saying I'm in a "downward spiral," I'm "white trash," that I'm "using him," and all this other shit. Basically, she associates me with Tom's dad's death since I was there at the fucking hospital trying to be fucking supportive. See where that got me? For fuck's sake. So anyway, she's basically trying to prevent Tom from talking to me as much as she possibly can, and she's even gone so far as looking at his Verizon account online to see how much and who he's talking to -- namely, how much he's talking to me. She won't let him leave to come see me, so he has to make up excuses to leave the house to spend 30 minutes with me once or twice a week. Plus, they keep him insanely occupied so that he doesn't even get to think about me. So I think, anyway.

I'm this close to calling it quits. I can't stand this shit, and I hate not being able to do normal things with him, like hang out and go on dates. I don't need him to be happy, but having this tsunami of shit swirling around me thanks to his mother and family is driving me nuts. Things will get better if I hang in there. He'll leave his mom or his mom will force him to break up with me.

Most days, I don't give a damn. But for some reason tonight, knowing that he's going out and spending time with his family, going out to eat at a nice restaurant and all that, it's a bummer. He can't even text or call me if his mother or sister are in the room with him.

It sucks. I'm deeply hurt by their rejection of me, even though I know I shouldn't give a shit. I have enough shit to deal with, between my son and my father, and I don't need this extra stress.

I don't know if I should bail on this bullshit or just stick it out and see if it improves. I'm going to start living for myself, and this just feels like more heartache than I need.

I don't want to be alone.

Okay, that's enough of the emo bullshit. All that shit aside, I'm doing alright. I have a roof over my head, bills paid, no job yet. I've been working out at the gym when I'm not sick, and I'm determined to be physically sexy again.



I must have dreamed about Donovan last night. I woke up feeling like part of myself was missing, like there was something I should be doing that I'm not, and the feeling has driven me crazy until I put a finger on it. It's happened before. Once I realize what it is, part of me goes, "Oh, right." And then I'm fine.

I think part of the problem is the apartment I moved into. I moved in here around the beginning of the month, and it reminds me a lot of the apartment we had when Donovan was born. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I've been here before. Well, actually it's not that crazy. Dan and Terri had an apartment here, so some of my happier memories of them are here, in an apartment very similar to mine. Duh. But still, it's odd.

I guess I'm doing alright. I have a mild cold that's more annoying than anything, and I've been playing Neverwinter Nights. I still have WoW, but after playing it on Mom's super-shiny computer that made everything gorgeous, I can't bring myself to play it on my subpar computer. Dad's coming into town on the 13th, and I'm thinking about asking him for a laptop for Christmas. He's missed my past two birthdays and Christmases, so it's about time he paid up, eh? I'm a terrible daughter. XD

I hope all is well, and everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I'm still okay, and I love you all.

My own personal shiny rainbow.

I seem to always start off my posts with "So it's been a while..." So to make things interesting, I won't use that.

A while it has been since posted I have. God, where to start.

Tom and I are living with our respective mothers. After like 6 months.. 8 months? of living together, we failed at paying rent, and so we decided it was time to live apart. We're still together (I think? o_O), but things have been kinda weird. Apparently his mother "frowns upon" us spending time together, which pisses me off. I know it matters because he's living there, but for God's sake, stand up for yourself and what you love already.

I've been hanging out on WoW lately, over on Earthen Ring. I've found some new faces, new people that I adore. Acceptance is a beautiful thing. I -also- have found some old faces that make me smile from ear to ear. (<3s to Luki, Mari, and Zihasi <3)

I've been working at Waffle House lately, which isn't my place of choice to work at, but it works for the time being. Mom has been awesome. She's going to help me go see Donovan for his birthday on the 5th, and she's also going to help me find a place of my own around here and help me out for as long as I need it. This makes me a verreh happeh Sooze. I was surprised, really. It took a little bit of hammering it into her head that I had nowhere else to go, but she finally got the message, and lo and behold, here I am.

Life's going up.


1. First Name: Sooooooooooz'n. (Ahem, Susan.)

2. Age: 25 (26 in 8 days!)

3. Location: Aiken, South Carolinah.

4. Occupation: Student in the near future, otherwise, full-time housegirlfriend.

5. Partner: Tom, otherwise known as Tard, Tomcat, and the Tomeranian. Tom-oh. And yes, Tom my anus, although that is a completely different story. -_-

6. Kids: 1, Donovan, who is 4.5.

7. Brothers/Sisters: 1 sister, Kathy, who is 29.

8. Pets: 2 cats, Muffin (Ragdoll cross) and Akula (crazy little black thing.)

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
In general or at the moment.
1) Money
2) Tom's father's cancer
3) Our financial state (or lack thereof)
4) Figuring out my relationship with Tom my anus
5) Stress.

10. Where and for what do/did you go to school for? I'm not sure what college I'm going to attend yet (online, mind you), but I'm going my Bachelor of Science in either Computer Science or IT.

11. Parents? Legally seperated, soon-to-be-divorced. Dad lives in Tbilisi, Georgia in Russia, and Mom lives in her palace here locally.

12. Who are some of your closest friends? Here lately, Tom, Dan, Terri, Tom's sister and little brother.


Remind me why I let my mom talk me into going places when I'm sick?

We went over to my sister's boyfriend's house for dinner, and I kept telling them I needed to go home and rest, that I didn't feel well. "Oh, you're just like your father, so impatient!" Then Mom comes over and feels my head, they take my temperature, lo and behold, I'm running a fever...

of 102 degrees.


Bobby the Buddha says bleh.

I am sick, and it sucks. Hardcore.

Work is going fantastic. I have more fun getting up in the morning and hanging out with my work buddies than at any other job I've ever had before. My best friend works on my team, and we drive our team leader crazy, but in the good way. Rides home from and makeout sessions with an incredibly hot man, what more could a girl ask for? ;)

I saw Donovan for his birthday this year. He's grown a bit since I last saw him in June, and he's still gorgeous and amazing. Brent is still Brent. He's complicated, but we talked and agreed not to jump into a relationship simply because we could.

Dad's still in Russia, although they've declared Tbilisi, Georgia (Republic of, not state) to be in a state of emergency, and that's where Dad is, so things should be interesting his way.

That's all for now. Time to flop on the couch and recover before this evening, when we have dinner with my sister's boyfriend and family, oh boy.


Ohhh yeah. ;)

In other news, Mom gave her attorney the money for the divorce today, so I guess it really is going to happen.

RIP, big guy.

For those of you that were fans of the Tourette's Guy, you will be saddened to know that he passed away late last month.

The details.


Boxie Brown

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